i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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