How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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