I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
