Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Two words: blizzard sex
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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