Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
