I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
