Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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