she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
