today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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