i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a hot homeless man
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wear drunk well.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
