I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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