No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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