My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
