Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
