so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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