laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
