I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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