it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
