He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
