wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
