so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
