My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
pop tarts are not kleenex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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