Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize