I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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