I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize