so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
