it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you win again, gameday.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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