Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
