U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize