finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
