My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
