also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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