ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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