Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
