I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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