I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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