I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
