Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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