It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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