Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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