eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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