you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
