I cockslap morals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
