Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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