woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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