After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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