feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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