You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
