oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
