If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
