I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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