he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
