I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
