I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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