He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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