Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
