I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's always time for handjobs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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