just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
