my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
that may or may not have been my penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
