I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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