Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
