we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
