You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
