even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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