I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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