Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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