Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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