Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
