# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
