apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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