between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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