i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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