this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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