Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
