Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize