I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
