I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
