I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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