Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
