Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
