No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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