I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
