There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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