The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
