All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
