Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
