Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize