Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize